quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
