The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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