I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
