So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
