Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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