Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
