i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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