my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
