I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
