okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
