I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
