Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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