We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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