I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
