I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
