We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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