Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
