Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't turn off my feet"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
