Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
