Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
