nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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