You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
