I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
