you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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