Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
