I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
