i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
