just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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