you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
