He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
