omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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