I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
