i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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