What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
