is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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