I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
