I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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