And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
