My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
