God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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