Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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