i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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