He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
