I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
