Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
