um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
