jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
