and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
