you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
