I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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