When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
